These days I’m unable to lace up my tennis shoes and rush out the door. I find it challenging to even consider leaving the safety of my bedroom. My doctor advised me to walk as much as possible to strengthen my bones because of my osteoporosis, although I don’t think he realizes how my fibromyalgia prevents me from doing a lot of things.
There was a time I looked forward to my walks. I never cared for a walking track for I felt it restricted me from viewing the world. I enjoyed walking on the street where I had a view of people and I made mental notes of stories that popped into my head. I felt so alive blending with my surroundings. Now I miss all the many sounds of life. Busy city streets, the sounds of pedestrians and cars traveling to unknown destinations.
Today I have cried from the pain that blankets my world. No one can seem to understand my dilemma? They think it is more mental, than physical – it’s very real. I am becoming so depressed and my only wish is to close my eyes, wake up to a new day painless. So sad because my body is not my body – this is not me.
This week the pain has traveled down my legs and feet, making it impossible to even contemplate leaving the house and walking a few blocks. I have been in bed nearly the entire day as was the same as yesterday. A holiday has come and I hold no excitement because I wonder will tomorrow be the same as yesterday.
I so desperately wish for this episode to pass but sometimes I feel like this for a couple of days and other times for a couple of weeks, never knowing for certain how long this pain will glue itself to my body. I question what is worst the pain or the depression since both are entwined as one.
I have prescribed medicine for pain but I’m holding out waiting for it to pass . Two days without taking Norco. I want my body back! I want to be pain free. I want to discover a way to function and enjoy my life without enduring my pain.
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Serenity1956's Blog 